Dear Bobby Henderson, I understand your condition and I just want you to know you have my utmost sympathy. My name is Leon Riddic. I am a certified psychologist and graduate from the BSI (Brain Studies Institute). When I heard about the Flying Spaghetti Monster phenomenon, a bulb lit up in my head. I knew that who ever was responsible for the invention of the concept of the Flying Spaghetti Monster must be in deep agonizing pain. I knew that they had been afflicted with a terrible wound that could only be healed by our loving lord and savior Jesus Christ.
You see, I’ve examined you based on the four basic temperaments theory (Widely accepted by world renound psychologists.) I’ve been able to pick up suttle clues from your writing style and expression as to your mentality and core character. Based on which temperaments you consist of and other components of your character, I’ve been able to test you against a criteria by which I can classify you under one of 50 psychological categories. It just so happens that you are a Hyprolack.
Hyprolack’s in most cases have been molested as children and evidence shows that you most definitely have been. Their fathers often beat them and shove strange objects up their anus. In most cases, Hyprolacks suffer from sever irreversible brain damage as a result of having incestuous parents. Another words, Bobby Henderson, your mother and father are brother and sister.
You went through a lot of pain growing up. In order to express your deep hatred for your father, you have to deceive millions of people by inventing this mythological creature. You see, the mythological creature represent what you wished you could be (intelligent). It is something that you are obviously not because of brain damage. The millions of people you are deceiving represent yourself. What you are doing is actually trying to deceive your very own self into thinking that your father never molested you, did not commit incest, did not beat you, and that you are intelligent.
One day, your going to die, and when you do, you will be met with eternal retribution. It won’t be because you did not accept Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal lord and savior. It will be because you are a dum fuck and deserve to burn in hell. There is no hope for one who fits under your category. Everyone who has ever fallen under that category has turned out to be a rapist and a murderer. That is what lies ahead. There is only one solution, but since you will not take it there is no hope. The one solution is you must live in the desert for forty days and eat sand. After that you must do away with this Flying Spaghetti Monster business and accept Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal lord and savior.
Personally, from my perspective you are doomed. I am extremely glad that your eternal fate will be hell. I can’t wait to see you suffer. I hope the flames that envelop you are extra hot. I hope your testicles ache, and your nipples rust. I want you to know that the whole world hates you. One day, people are going to piss on you and fuck you up. They will break your arms. They will come into your house and castrate you. There is no hope. Your fate is sealed. You have been predestined to serve as a pussy sucker for the rest of eternity. There is nothing you can do. Let this email be a warning unto you.
I just have one thing left to say to you: Bobby Henderson, SUCK MY BIT FAT COCK YOU MOTHER FUCK!